Letter to the Almighty

Dear God,

You created the entire world. Then you created all the plants and animals. It was all so wonderful. Then you thought of creating an intelligent being, one that could see the world, see its wonder, appreciate it and build on it. One who would take it a step further. One that had the brain to think, the strength to change and a lovely canvas to create on. Rest he would discover with joy and make it all the more beautiful. You thought you had created a perfect being, gave him everything and your work here is done. With the physical and mental strength to change and a world waiting to be changed, what else can be needed.... It was perfect... Was this how you thought it would be. Humans will maintain the balance, and live in peace. It would be a specimen planet for all the right reasons.

And then, when you looked down, was it as expected? 

You must have thought with our brain, we would create a conscience, based on what works in long run for everybody and what doesn't. We would have a sense of right and wrong. But, then it didn't happen that way. We screwed up big time. So, you came to earth in order to salvage us, taking different forms. You went to different places, with different names and in different eras, spreading the same value, hoping it would fix things. But, then, to your utter dismay, we started fighting on your names instead. Is Raam right or Christ or Allah... Instead of taking your message, we just took your name and fought for it. Is this why you took all the trouble?

Were you sad or amazed at the sheer stupidity of  an intelligent being? 

And now when you look on us, what do you see?

We have ruined the planet. Its livable, still, but not as wonderful. Several animal and plants, your other prized creations, we killed them all. Everything has been changed to suit us, and yet we are not at peace. After establishing our supremacy over all other species, we want to establish it amongst ourselves.Based on religion, region, gender, color of skin and countless other things, we are fighting. It must not be anything like you expected. Is it?

I am sure you loved us in the beginning. You would haven't done so much for us otherwise. How do you feel now?

You must be oscillating between two ends of utter sadness and amazement. Sad that we ruined everything for everyone, despite having the capability to make it so much better. Amazed at our capacity to do so and actually doing so, despite all intelligence suggesting otherwise.

Looking from a corner

These days I refuse to read the newspaper or listen to the news. Newspaper lays on my bed and I devour the page 3 and cartoons.

With the world busy in:

Assam senseless riots and general distrust

Corruption cases of mass scale being ignored casually

State of power and hence production at a tragic low

Economy going down for all the reasons

I was confused at how we could take everything so lightly. Why nothing mattered. 

And then it happened. I tried if Ignorance is indeed bliss... If I could ignore it all...Can't say that I am happy or at peace. 

But, I have lost the right to crib..

I feel like I am walking on a dirty mud road with poodles of water, walking on the side.... in my pretty dress, holding a lovely flower.

I don't look at the mud, the dirt, the filth. I just get a little more sideways, if I fear something may ruin my dress.

Just singing a nice song and turning my head when an unpleasant sight comes. 

I guess I am living life on the sideways... perhaps just getting by...

Stop and Stare

Something that I had written a long back, but just felt like posting here...

" 'I am unique' cried the snowflake" - Bill Wattersen- Calvin and Hobbes

Yes, it is unique... or is it or does it even matter?

As you distance yourself, lines get blurred, differences disappear, topography vanishes and everything becomes calm and homogeneous. 

Each electron is rotating at a tremendous speed around the nucleus. Each atom fighting with the other atom for that shared electron. There are numerous activities going on at molecular level in a single water molecule. So many different particles and animals staying in the water bodies, maintaining a delicate balance and yet the sea appears so calm. The chaos gets replaced by a certain calm the farther you move away.

I wonder whether the countless insects, worms, bugs posses intelligence, what so ever. Our definition of intelligence may be highly relative. They might not be smarter than humans. But may be some random ant stays happy that it can carry more load, or some poor bird proud of its voice or some unknown insect finding the shortest path to a food. But for those sitting at the top of food chain, they represent a specie, something to be looked down upon, a subject of study. Their thoughts and actions do not matter except may be sometimes as a group they are a little more than nuisance. Apart from that they can be casually shrugged of, walked over or forgotten.

"The universe does not care"  as is said in Watchmen movie. Whether I live or not, whether the complete human race lives or not, whether a blue planet claims life or not. We are a tiny microscopic level dot on the surface of a tiny planet of a rather small star in a rather big galaxy. May be we are also just a subject of curiosity for some higher specie. May be there is afterall no long term purpose of our life. May be we are just as insignificant as the mosquito that I just cursed. May be our issues are pretty trivial. May be it does not matter much whether Mumbai wins the IPL or Rajasthan does. May be nothing makes a difference. 

We think that we are going to save the planet. Or atleast one step less towards destroying the planet. But actually we can neither save nor ruin the plant. The planet or universe is too big to be destroyed or saved by petty humans. All that we are doing is saving ourselves. We can just prolong the time this planet takes our nonsense, bear us. We are moving in a certain direction, all that we can do is micro adjust the speed. Nothing else. And that direction is predestined for the race. And frankly, the universe does not care a bit!!!!

May be before I fall into a blissful state of indifference and acceptance, I should stop thinking. May be my disgust with humans is better than my apathy. May be the purpose of life is to watch cricket... May be...

Sleeping child

The problem with me is that I can't close my eyes...

With Assam burning over religious matters... people claiming that it is all political as  we have been too 'accommodating' with refugees from Bangladesh who are now bold enough to fight and cause unrest.

Major blackout in the country because of grid failure and all states and center just passing the buck...

Nobody listening to the man fighting against corruption in Delhi. That news just seems to be lost among other 'important' news like cricket. There is a lot of corruption in India, everybody admits, but the action that it demands seems to be missing...

A young girl molested in Guwahati, on a busy street. Her crime, getting out of a pub, intoxicated. And men considered it their birth right and moral duty to 'teach her a lesson'. And they were no hardcore criminals. They were normal people, living among us, just slightly demented and accompanied by mob-hysteria and a sense of 'superiority' that drove them to this heinous crime.

People playing petty politics... and corrupting unsuspecting minds.

I always wanted to know things. I could never understand why, they said 'ignorance is bliss' . I am so reminded of the donkey 'Benjamin' in Animal Farm by George Orwell.

Now, I wish I could close my eyes and just ignore the mess. Build a cocoon with all the pretty things and live blissfully.

Just pathetic

I watched this episode of Crime Patrol 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvQhGWEjQJk

For those who are unaware of this serial, its based on real life incidents. Often it brings on unknown faces of Indian society, sometimes highlighting the despair, sometimes callousness, sometimes selfishness and sometimes humanity. It has shocked me more than once....

This one tells about a small village in Maharashtra, where small farmers took loan from landlords. Since, most of the farmers were illiterate, landlord would put wrong calculations in the name of interest, so much so that farmer could never repay it and would be forced to work for free for landlord. Also, his future generations would be forced to work for the landlord for free.... Until once a farmer, took to educate his only child, a girl. The intelligent girl, worked part time and helped his father repay the loan. This annoyed the landlord so much that he got the girl, all of 17 years, kidnapped and raped her and finally made her write a letter that she was a willing partner before dropping her back after a week. The poor soul was in a state of shock and committed suicide. Until then police were reluctant in catching the landlord who was a powerful local politician.  He is in custody now after villagers got to higher authorities, sadly, chances are that he would be out soon, ready to reign with terror again..... 

For  a long time, people there would not educate their kids... would be willing to be slave for ages... would live in fear.... 

Out of the blue

If Masterchef of different countries is ever a clue of how the people are. 

This is how I would understand people are in these countries:

Americans: Bitchy, Boisterous and Arrogant

Indians: Winy and emotional

Australians: Fair, friendly, good winners and losers

Australia has surely risen a few notches in my wish-list. If Australia tourism is a promoter, good job ;)

Wedding Planner

Some of the blogs that I am addicted to, often talk about how arranged marriages screw up ones life. Like:

http://celestialrays.wordpress.com/2011/05/12/logic-vs-lagnam/

and

http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/tag/arranged-marriage/

That you get married to a man you don't know, you may end up losing your own life in the process. That when you have not "known" the person and his family long enough, you would not know how he (or they) would react in any situation. Whether you are marrying a monster or your prince charming... and it is more likely to be former.

Some of my friends have also shared bitter experiences of their other girl friends, agreeing to marry a man arranged by their family and regretting the decision with all their lives.

I know that this is not entirely wrong. Indian society is skewed in favor of men.

But, the view it portrays of arranged marriages is not entirely right either. Like every other thing, marriage (arranged or love) has to evolve with time. It needs to adapt to changing needs of society.... And that one needs to accept more for arranged marriages. Parents should just introduce the guy and girl and express their opinion, final decision should lie with those who are committing for life!!!

Girls and boys alike need to tell their parents that they are open to the idea of arranged marriage, but on their conditions. The concept of saying "yes" to the first "guy" you meet doesn't work anymore. The idea of not meeting or chatting or talking before confirming is out dated too. 

If girls are independent and confident, they should know their priorities and be comfortable exerting them. We need to know that being unhappily married (and may be dead) cannot be better than being happily single.

My husband and I had arranged marriages. He wasn't the first guy I met, nor was I the first girl he met. We met several times, before our parents met each other or even us. We knew our basic traits and standings before we committed to each other. And we were fine with that. I have retained my surname, my job priorities and my beliefs and so has he...

I can't say that we haven't had our share of "teething troubles" post marriage or everything has been hunky-dory. But, I can't imagine being with any other man now. ... And I absolutely adore my in-laws.

I certainly don't regret my decision or how life has turned to be. And I believe this is how ideally marriages should be arranged !!!

It feels good !!!

It feels good:

• When a riksha-waala that you take tells you that he owes you five bucks and you should pay less.
• When air-hostesses in a flight take extra care for an invalid old man, explaining all security procedures to him personally and attending to every unsaid need of his.
• When you find a shop-keeper searching for you because you forgot your camera at his shop on a busy day.

I guess I shouldn't give up on the world as yet...

When Gods came visiting

I have seen Gods. They were called upon, and they appeared amidst much fan-fare. There were much preparation for their arrival and a general excitement in air. All work stopped and all that one heard was what more one can do during the week long festival.... Presentations made, agenda prepared,  people sensitized...

They held much power and were easy to please.... Power more than one could imagine and one daren't cross them.

There were some strange things about these Gods, though. They didn't know they were God. They walked among mortals like common man. Mortals had an additional work of rising them to Godly level. They reminded them constantly of their status, their power.... trying hard to raise them to the pedestal humans had created...

They also had a strange name for God, "Client".

The Ideal World

I have heard and read ample number of times that Indian society is a good society... We respect family and elders. We have strong belief in the institution of marriage and we are at a moral high-ground. 
On the other hand, we say western society is very individualistic. There are no joint-families, children leave home at 14-15 and crave independence. 


By theory, we are right... This is an ideal world, where people care for their elders. Institution of marriage or commitment remains valid. People care for 
their offspring, give them the right moral education... This is indeed one kind of Utopia. 


But, is it achievable? Then why do we have so many cases of molestation, child trafficking and rapes in India? 
Is our society too restrictive and expects too much from a mere mortal? 


We have too many rights and wrongs, too many taboos and things not to be shared. We believe, it is improper to drink in front of your parents. That you 
shouldn't let your elders know if you smoke. That pre-marital sex is a sin. That marriages are forever. And these topics are beyond discussion. 
We believe if you don't tell kids about birds and bees, they won't know. 
That celebacy and proper conduct is guranteed till you wed them off... and it is not just possible, but unquestionable... in this world of information. 
And then we are as startled as a deer in spotlight, when we hear that a guy closeby raped his classmate.

On closely looking and experiencing the bad, western world, I get more drawn to it. The world of openeness. You are allowed to do all that you want, as long as you don't hurt anyone. You know where your limits are and you are allowed to tread as far as them. 

Isn't it better to allow pre-marital sex than the rape statistics boasting a "moral" society? 
What is wrong in skimpily clad women, if you are sure you have sane men?
Isn't it better to be divorced and start life afresh than living a suffocating marriage?
What is wrong in independence and individualism, if you are sure everyone is taken care of?


In my ideal world, there would be far fewer rules, but far stricter punishments. Do whatever, you want to YOURSELF.. smoke, drink, dope, suicide... don't as 
much as dare hurt anyone.

And so the scrum works

There is a software delivery model "Scrum". The primary hypothesis for this model is that people are responsible individuals. They can manage and lead themselves and don't necessarily need someone telling them exacly what needs to be done.

 

In my project we have been following this model for sometime now. It was never questioned, untill recently. Sometime back I was asked who leads the team, in short, who should we blame if something goes wrong. The answer "we all are" does not seem satisfactory. Someone should be, there should be one person accountable, responsible... blaimable, I am told. And then there were a ton of reports to be maintained, shared. To show that we are working diligently. Name one person, don't you dare say 'Scrum team'.... there has to be a way to tweak things... a bit...

It used to annoy me untill recently...

 

I was living in a utopian world, believing that people are responsible by default. You ruin them by managing them. I could never really understand the need for control. 

I like to believe that everyone is good, responsible, careful... And hence, everything would fall into right place. But, what if this belief does not work, even for one person? Ideally, you should be able to counsel, mentor, make someone realize the importance of sincerity. What if it doesn't work? What if someone is just not capable? Despite trying, someone is not able to pull through? There are several ways, an employee cannot deliver the ideal, expected result. Are we capable enough to handle this? In an environment, where we work on minimum costs, and on no extra labor, do we have the expertise to handle soft-needs? We like to say that we work for 9 hours, do we actually work for 9 hours, all round the year? 

There are several people who know that company would not fire them, unless they screw something really badly. Being incompetent or lazy ain't reasons enough to lose your job. So, some would not wake from their slumber at all, and hence, someone else would shoulder all the responsibility. Does the idea of Utopian world remain valid then? And it is not specific to any one company or project. It is the truth of Software Industry all over India. I have not seen any company laying of people at any point in India. Does it mean all employees are good? I have seen hopeless people being entertained, knowing that they are not doing anything. Because, client is billing for their presence? And because we hate being the bad guy and saying, 'You are not doing anything'. I have seen some poor souls being slaughtered to work. Does the idea of Utopia work then?

No words

Perpetually bored, constantly irritated

This is how I can be described

Isn't it dear?

Too demanding, very unclear,

Mixed signals and unpredictable, 

You wonder what I want or do you?

Your Life ain't that fun any more,

Do you also see it other way round

Or is it drowned in the ever-important-call

Is co-existence so difficult,

Or are we too stubborn, to change

too perfect to adapt?

Or is it just a side-effect of being too good otherwise,

Too nice to others, too sweet to deny,

Guess someone closer has to pay the price.

Too perfect

There are lots of things I worry or dread . One thing that I am absolutely scared of in a relationship is complete surrender.

There are several ways a relation can be wrong. Ones that everyone accepts as difficult to deal, like, cheating partner, being over possessive, being overworked with no time for one another. And the ones only the wearer of shoe knows, like, nagging, being irresponsible at home, being bore, demeaning things that matter to other... and likes. Things that no one will understand and you would feel silly explaining your woes...

But, what I worry is when one surrenders completely to the relationship. When you agree with whatever your partner says. It might be out of love, out of absolute trust or fear of rejection. You might be too bewitched to realize what you are becoming. You might want the relation to work at any cost, and you give up on everything yours. The reasons might vary, but the end result is same, you have given up your brain to the relation. Your power to think, argue and decide on your own have been surrendered to the likes of your mate. You do what you think he/she likes, you wonder whether he/she would accept or like this. You stop thinking what you like and start thinking what he likes. 

It might work well if one keeps passively following all his life and other stays committed and dedicated to the meek follower. But, if the former wakes up one day to see for himself or if the other gets bored of the unintelligent company, that is the end of this fragile relation.

This is the kind of relationship I fear the most. I consider a relationship healthy if there are some difference of opinions, some arguments and space. 

When all decisions are unanimous, often only one person is making them.

A relationship devoid of any raised voices or silence treatments is the one too perfect to be true...

Need for guide??

Are my expectations to high

Or my words not clear?

Is it too difficult to give

What I wish dear?

 

I wish I could put more words

I could explain better

But then I craved you would
feel the need to know me

I know I could write once and for all
My wishes, needs and desires
A handy guide to refer
and know the right action

I know I could make your life easier
We can live happily without knowing each other
But thats what I dread about
Won't help you there, not now, not ever.

Moods, dreams, wishes, insanities,
make me who I am.
I wish you try to know the real me
One argument, tiff or finding a time

Take the pain, go the hard way,
Don't look at me for a cheat sheet on emotions
Coz, If you can't hear my silence
I wonder if my words would matter...

The Lost battle

Lord... Give me patience and tolerance.
To be able to deal with the incompetent, and careless and egoists and ...

I believe I have become a fanatic in recent times. For perfection, for order. Had it been for any other more common disorders, like religion I might have become a deity or dead, depending on the prevalent political situation. I have no sympathy or empathy left for disorder or incompetence. 
I often wondered, why is it that we Indians are so short-tempered. Road rage, fights, murders at the stupidest provocation seems to be so common now. Like getting killed discussing which is the best car.
Now, I seem to be losing the battle too. With job getting hectic, too many things to handle, too many people not giving the desired , expected and agreed outcome, I have lost my sanity. I feel like a lunatic by the time my day comes to an end, come anywhere near and I can't predict my reaction. Basic manners are the first ones to fly of the window, closely followed by rational. The sad thing is I can see what is happening, what needs to change and I am too tired to react.
But, the good thing is I have figured out the mystery behind our temper. Nothing or at least nothing seems to give the desired outcome... Traffic does not move at the speed it should, carpenter/ plumber/maid/... do not work according to the promises, Government does not govern, boss gives unrealistic deadlines, wife does not listen, colleagues do not work the right way... and the frustration keeps piling up, until we can hold no more and burst at the slightest possibility.
Guess, I should change my name from earthwire to short-fuse now. :-(

India Connection

I think, there are a lot of things come with growing in India. India makes you:

Paranoid: You wonder why the guy is looking at you. What that strange noise outside is. You don't like going out alone in the night. You are wary if every sound and light...

Thankful: You know that countless things fell at just the right place for you to be able to read, write, understand, work.... live. You realize that life is not perfect, but its worth being thankful of.
 
Cynic: You find it hard to believe someone would help you for no reason. That the other car just gave you way. That the boss just smiled for no reason. There has to be something behind this... or so you think.

Hopeful: Every day brings in new hope. There were Bomb blasts in Mumbai and the city was up on its feet and working the next day. Its hard for an Indian to say 'Hopeless'... there has to be some way out, that is what we live by.

Curious: Two people arguing in the corner and a crowd would gather, asking what happened. Whats the story, who did what... I am yet to find any other race so interested in everyone else's lives. If there is an Olympic ever for being Gossip Monger, we should be watched out for. 

Believer: We believe... in God, in Humans, in things falling in place, in goodness... in Miracles.

Forgive and Forget?

There is a show 'V-Steal your GirlFriend'... Its a reality show with a story as:

Boy loves Girl. Girl Loves Boy. Boy cheats on girl or loses her somehow.

She is now with someone else. Boy misses girl and wants her back.

Channel helps him come with innovative ways to apologize and claim his love.

I just watched one episode of it and began to wonder. 

Can you forgive someone who cheats on you?

Is it easy or well possible to let it go and start afresh?

Would it be possible to forget all the dark pages of your story and just remember the lovely ones? Can you ignore the betrayal, the heartbreak and the pain?

Is it humanly possible? May be sometimes one would accept to give it a try, but does the relation stay the same?
Would you be able to trust as much as you could or would you be suspicious every time he has a long day at work?

Right now, I think it is not in my dictionary, but, Is breach of trust a pardonable offense?