Saturday, May 11, 2019

C is for Communication

My toddler has learnt to speak. One of the things that fascinates me, is his ability to state what he wants. He is very clear on what he says. Nothing left to imagination. I am hurt on my foot, I want you to blow there. I want to touch your nose.... I want you to place your hand under my head and let me sleep. I want that red coloured toy that you hid from me. Very precise, clear instructions on the need.

Yet, as adults communication or lack thereof is one of the most common issues leading to conflict. You say something, you mean something else. Or you do not say anything and you mean a lot.

I wonder at what point do we loose the skill to state what we want. Is that a part of growing up, a defence mechanism to not get hurt? I told my parents that I want videogame for my birthday, they didn't get it, so I won't tell anymore what I want. I can't tell my boyfriend how much I miss him, as he would think I am needy. I would struggle and quit my job, but won't tell my boss that I need a better raise/ quality of life as he wouldn't understand anyway.

Wouldn't it be easier, if adults could retain the art that the God blessed us with as kids.

Sunday, May 5, 2019

B is for Bias

I have been raised a feminist. I have fought with my younger brother all my childhood and our parents raised us as equals. While, I don't claim of any other great quality, being impartial, unbiased is what I do claim. If a boy and a girl do the exact same thing, my reaction in all likelihood is going to be the same too.

I have come across some chauvinists in my office life, those who couldn't stand a woman being skilled and appreciated. It disgusted me, no doubt, but it came rather early in my career and I was fortunate to have a leadership that saw through this and gave me the desired support and showed the right way. 
After a long time, I met with a strange situation again. My voice just didn't reach certain men until it was mansplained. The fact that as a Product Owner, my views on the product need to be respected, doesn't cut across. I have come a long way to take it silently. I have made it explicitly clear more than once on what needs to be done and how. 

But, I wonder how deep the patriarchy runs through us. What makes it immensely uncomfortable for certain men to listen to women if they are peers. When it comes with authority from a senior woman, we would bitch during coffee breaks and  question her decisions and what made her what she is. When it comes from a peer, we would resist, gang up and make it difficult and younger ones, we would mollycoddle. 

In my personal life, not having given up my surname, my career or my identity on the marriage altar, I thought I am living by my rules. But, I don't know if there is ever a marriage of equality. Does a marriage exist where you listen to your spouse and take their advice, without losing yourself completely. May be you can defend your big principles and live by them, but can true harmony in the house and inner peace with oneself coexist?