Sunday, March 3, 2013

TOW Shaadi

This is one of those posts that may not get published in a long time. Or it will get published when it has lost its significance in my life.

The question is about marriage, arranged in particular and love too in Indian scenario. In India, you know you are going to get married some day from the age of 2. We live in a society where it is inevitable. Marriage is one of the things we hold so dear. We have lavish weddings,  months and years of thoughts behind it, and gossips of marriages stay in people's mind far longer. Who is getting married to who and when... this is what we seem to live for. And if you are not married/ engaged to be married soon by the time you are 25, you need to change your lifestyle. a. Stop attending family gatherings or if you are so fond of them have a plastic smile. b. Stop getting irritated by constant questions. c. Accept that you will have to get a new set of friends frequently as they move to marriageLand.

So, what do you do when you hit the age, you know you cannot or do not want to stay single forever. It is sad in general and tougher in India, because all your friends will leave sooner or later and whether you like it or not.. they drift apart into a new set of problems. If you had a choice, you may never change your life, of free, no-strings-attached, life with family and friends.

You can make the brave decision of not compromising on your ideas, wait for the perfect one, who may or may not come while it matters. May be you will find him eventually and it would be a fairy tale ending...may be you won't and it would be an ending nevertheless.

Or may be you decide to settle down. Call it growing up, accepting life, family rants or peer pressure or all of them. You have two options, love marriage or arranged. I am of the opinion if you didn't fall in love till now, the probability is bleak further too. Not to dishearten anybody, just a practical view. You may however get into an arranged-love. You meet a guy.. colleague/ friend of friend/acquaintance , you realize he is also single and that you can actually talk and he would be accepted by your parents easily. All in all you consider all criteria of traditional arranged marriage and then fall in love ;) You may call it love, I don't.

The second one is called arranged marriage. Your parents ask you to see a certain guy. Some girls make it easier for their parents and themselves by saying yes easily. But, even if your parents are broad minded enough to let you take your own sweet time, how much can you know. Yes, you can talk to each other and may not kill each other as soon as you have the opportunity too. But beyond that what? He does not exactly look like Shahid kapoor and doesn't talk like best orators, he doesnt read the same books as you or share your other passions. What if it ends up like a life on parallel tracks, you live your life, he does his. You just share the apartment and the bills. What if it just ends up being another mundane couple. What if it doesn't turn out to what it could have been. What if...

A sufficiently long enough time has passed and I can now happily publish the post. Guess, at some point you just have to take the leap... And I am glad I waited long enough to meet him and quite happy that things unfolded the way they did....

I just want to say... I love you....

Dear Mom,

I know I have been a Daddy's daughter all my life... and I still am... But I want you to know:
I scream "Mummy" everytime I am scared or shocked.
I feel sad when I leave home, every single time for not having talked enough to you.
I have in the past rejected your advice, but you should know, I have done exactly what you said all those times.
I miss you so much when I am sad or broken... I know going over to you will ease everything.... and it does.
I see how much trouble it is to have your kid ready for one fancy dress... and you took all the trouble so that we participated in everything... from dance, songs, skits, debates, swimming, embroidery... everything. I can't thank you enough..
There isn't much you don't know about me... Somehow coming clean to you always kept me sane...

Dear Papa:
Here is something I copied from another blogger, and the credit perhaps goes to an Ad, but so aptly describes what I feel:

' To the first man I ever smiled at..
To the first man I truly loved..
To the man I looked for in every other..
To the man who thought I grew up too soon..
To my father..
The first man I belonged to..'