Thursday, February 28, 2013

Attempt to sanity

I have decided not to write any more posts about how lack of sincerity and a general carelessness bothers me to no end. I will also not complain how people can expect that they should get everything, without putting in any efforts to deserve it.
Won't crib about this any more... or atleast won't crib in written...
It has been almost 2 months away from home, away from the husband, away from all the maids [:(] and I am sullen in general. I have to drag myself out of bed and literally force myself into trying to be enthusiastic or atleast pretend so. But, I am failing miserably on more than one fronts. I can see its a vicious cycle, but I can't break it. I think, its time I took a break from job and did something else for a short while...
But, for now, heres a list of things that can bring a smile on my pissed-off-for-no-reasons face:

1. Call from home. Even without saying anything to the folks, things do turn up better.
2. A reminder from the husband that it will all settle down... its just round the corner
3. A new post from some of the bloggers I love to read.
4. Stumbling on to a blog that I love
5. Talking to old friends over some senseless bakar. I can do this for hours and weeks, undoubtedly...
6. Witnessing a general act of kindness or an innocent child
7. Some old song that I like to hear suddenly coming up on radio or TV
8. Watching some old photographs
9. A rerun of 'Friends'

It will be some time before I figure things out, untill then, a shot of above will keep me sane...

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

I want to break free!!!

Sometime I wonder, how things that come so easily to some are so difficult for others.
How you can't do a thing, that others have been doing effortlessly.

One such thing for me is to close my eyes, look the other way and pretend I did not see. And it seems to be the default way for so many, to shrug and say, not my business, not my concern. And often, for their own work, 'I didn't realize I had to do this'.
I wish I could do this, to just be concerned with my work. I notice, that everything, that I cannot see being wrongly done and do a voluntary act to correct, becomes my work. I get bogged down by work, which wasn't mine in the first place. I can see it impacting my work, but I know no other way to live!!!

And the other thing is to give up. I have a job, that I like and used to love. Sometimes, it becomes such a drag and I am left to wonder why can't I just give up, just say I quit. Why do I need to fight every battle. Why can't I just say this is stupid, and insane, but I won't fight it either. I so wish I had either a much higher tolerance to non-sense or I could just turn my back and walk away from it all...

Perhaps, some day, I will learn to live...