Sunday, February 1, 2015

TOW Friends

Courtesy technology, its so darn easy to stay and make friends. Over 500 Facebook friends and 200 in phone book, we are rich in friends or so we believe!
And it is true as well, depending on your definition. People on your Facebook Friends list are your friends, isn't that the definition?

I believe I am fairly, 'Friendly'. I do not come out as hostile or arrogant, I am easy to talk to. But I hardly believe I make new friends. 
There is an inner most circle, reserved for friends cherished over years. People who I can crib and bitch to. People I can drop by unannounced and not think twice. People I would not fuss about, those I can and would go to great extent for. My 2'O clock friends. Those who know me inside out and still like the real one.
I hardly think there would be too many new additions in there over years.

In Hindi, there are three words to define 'You':
Aap: The most formal one. Used out of respect and distance.
Tu: The most informal one.
Tum: The one in between.

Over the past 4-5 years, there hasn't been any addition to people I refer as 'Tu'. Its still for family and friends I made years ago. Rest all are 'Tums' and 'Aaps'.

I have made several mistakes in past. Foot-in-the-mouth disease is something I have suffered for long. Its still there, just a lot more controlled. And probably its the fear of this disease that I suffer more from. I say something which is rude or arrogant or not taken in the right spirit. I should much rather not say things that don't offend me too much.

I very conveniently claim that its not easy to make good friends in the corporate world because of all the politics and pressure. You say something in confidence and next thing you know, its floating around in air. But then I wonder, would I even trust myself or my clone in nature if I met her? Am I the same person, I was 8-10 years ago? Yes, I have had many experiences, several pleasant and some unpleasant. 

I have built a thick guard around myself in office, one which is not penetrable. So much so that now I don't even realise I am not laughing as much as I used to. I am not talking as much as I do outside. There are no PJs, no comments, no sarcasm in my talk. Things which are (were??) my defining trait.  Often, I do not understand them as well. Like there is a switch which gets turned off and in comes a mask. 
Yes, I still can't deceive or lie. I still have my conscience in place. I still don't like petty games.
I still have the same characteristics. I just don't let anyone come close enough to know that.

It may be a need for survival. But, I don't like the fact that I would not befriend myself in the office. I would not bitch to someone exactly like me. And I miss someone like that :(

3 comments:

Niranjana Menon said...

That is a great post! I can relate. Now I just have a theory. "I hate people"

earthwire said...

Yeah... Sadly, it has become so.

thedailynoesisnoema said...

That's my story too! and sadly the guard is getting thicker with each growing day.