We were made for each other...or so I thought.
He made me believe in perfection that life was to become.
I never doubted him.... and happily married we got as the world believed.
It wasn't until later that I discovered that he was married before. And had no intention to leave his first wife. I protested at first, but then gave in to her presence in our life. I thought he would get bored of her someday and ours.. his and mine would be a happily-ever-after. I compromised in the beginning. So much so that we shared our bedroom. She didn't move... she stayed... He wanted her to stay. I thought to act like an understanding wife and gave him time to"figure it all out".
Then I couldn't take it any more... and we fought... time and again. Hoping he will understand, But theirs is a commitment beyond words. He just can't leave her. After a bitter fight. He will vouch to leave her. It takes 3 days without seeing her face and he is on his knees... begging her to speak. And she complies... every time. She is probably the docile wife he always wanted. One who gives unconditionally, never questions and just exists for his happiness. She never questions his absence, his fidelity or lack of it. Just lights up as he comes. I can't be like that. I am just not wired in that way.
I don't think she means any harm to me. She is just oblivious. And probably stupid or may be too smart to even acknowledge my presence. All that she knows is how to play him and that she knows wonderfully well. Honestly, I don't resent her. I just hate their time together... their camaraderie. I tried to befriend her and play it as a team. But soon I would realise I am an outsider and would always be. I have given up on that. I can't see it anymore.
Long long ago, when I was a free spirit, I always thought that if my partner would cheat on me, I would leave him. I would never beg any one to stay. I am far more worthy than that. I am not sure anymore. After years of begging him to value me, to talk to me, to at least give us equal time, I have give up. Here I am, living in the same house with him and her. The only thing I have achieved is that she doesn't sleep in the bedroom and I don't talk to her anymore. And he doesn't talk to me either. Such is life.
He calls her 'TV'